Dear UAADV Teen

Dear UAADV Teen,
I met this guy over the internet a few months ago. He is really great. I love talking to him and come on just to see if he is around. We started dating a month ago. But over the past week, he has started talking to his ex girlfriend. Since then he seems to talk about how great she is all the time. I am worried about it and don’t know what I should do.
Jealous Girlfriend

Dear Jealous,
Talk to him about it. Be honest about your feelings about the situation. Make your boundaries clear. Trust is important in any relationship even those online. If you find that you simply don’t trust him, maybe its time to end it. Remember that your number one priority is you.

Dear Readers

If you have a question and would like it to be answered here on the blog, email me at UAADV.Teen@gmail.com. Make sure to put in your email somewhere that you are giving your permission for us to use your email in the blog. If you would like to respond to the scenerio, then simply post a comment. Thank you for reading!

Dear Readers,
Last week I talked to you about Suzy and her boyfriend Tim. This week I would like to talk to you about Alyssa and John. Alyssa is 15 and she really likes John. She says he told her that he likes her too, but he only pays attention to her when there is no body around. As soon as anyone they know passes by, he ignores her as though he didn’t know her. When she approached him about it, he denied it. She really wants to date him but is unsure if it would be the right thing to do. Do you have any advice for Alyssa?

Le Chrysalis - October 2008 Issue

Le Chrysalis Circular

The October edition of Le Chrysalis is updated!  Come check it out!


Le Chrysalis is a circular provided by United Angels Against Domestic Violence (UAADV).  The purpose of this circular is to provide information, resources, updates, empowerment and more to DV victims and survivors, as well as for advocates to share with those they are working with.   Le Chrysalis will be published every other month in the middle of the month, and the Dear Chrysalis portion is updated weekly.

Dear UAADV Teen

Since this is the first weekly write-up I would like to explain what this blog is for. I will be talking about teen dating and relationships. I will give the reader scenerios I or my friends have encountered (aided by pictures!) and then I will give you a question emailed to me by a reader. If you have a question and would like it to be answered here on the blog, email me at UAADV.Teen@gmail.com. Make sure to put in your email somewhere that you are giving your permission for us to use your email in the blog. If you would like to respond to the scenerio, then simply post a comment. Thank you for reading!



Dear Readers,
I would like to start this blog with a story about my friend Suzy.

Suzy is 17 years old and has been dating Tim for about 6 months now. At first they seemed so perfect together, always hanging out at her house, or his. But she told me yesturday that he has started treating her differently, calling her names, and putting her down, especially when they are around her friends. She says he is just stressed about his classes. I am worried about her, because she has started to become more unsure of herself whenever he is around, constantly fixing her clothes and hair to appear perfect, and talking much less. Do you have any advice for Suzy?



Dear UAADV Teen,
I am 19 yrs old and just got a new boyfriend, I'll call him B. B and I have gone on 3 dates. After the last date, he asked me how much longer before we can have sex. I am not sure I am ready, but I don't want to lose him. He is a really nice guy. What do you think I should do?
Signed, Don't want to lose him

Dear Don't,
Follow your instinct. You said you feel like you are not ready. Do not rush into something like that. Having sex is a very big step and should be taking only after much serious thought and discussion. You have only been on 3 dates with this boy. You have no obligation to go any farther than you are comfortable with. If this is cause for him to leave you, then don't fret, he wasn't worth it. You want someone who will respect you and your body enough to listen to what you want and need. Take your time. Let B know that you are not ready to take that step yet, but like him and would like to continue to date him. Remember there are other fish in the see if he says no!
UAADV Teen

What are YOU going to do for Domestic Violence Awareness Month?

So... I get asked: "Great, you tell me to help DV victims during awareness month, but how am I supposed to do that when I have never even met a DV victim?"

There are many people that would be more than willing to do something during Domestic Violence Awareness Month, however they just aren't sure what to do, or where or when or how...

This list is copied from this ARTICLE.  

In your place of worship
1. Encourage information about domestic abuse in the congregation's programs, youth groups, marriage preparation, study groups, etc.
2. Establish a committee to promote awareness of the problem and how the congregation can help.
3. Organize a drive to collect food, toiletries, household goods and other needed items for a local domestic violence service.

In your workplace
4. Display posters or brochures (in break rooms, restrooms, or meeting rooms) to promote awareness of domestic abuse and how to get help.
5. Organize a Brown Bag lunch or other event for co-workers and invite a speaker to talk about solutions to the problem.
6. Ask what policies your employer has developed to keep employees safe from a domestic abuser who threatens the workplace.

In schools and daycare
7. Encourage the editor of the school newspaper to have a special issue about teen dating violence and partner abuse.
8. Write a paper about domestic violence to share with students.
9. Educate teachers and other staff about the connection between child abuse and partner abuse.

In civic organizations, clubs or neighborhoods
10. Invite a speaker to educate organization members about domestic violence.
11. Organize a fundraising event or food/toiletries drive to benefit a domestic violence service agency.
12. Publish information about domestic violence and available resources in the newsletter.
13. "Adopt" a family seeking independence from an abuser, to assist with practical needs.

As a Citizen
14. Ask your local library to stock books on domestic violence and to set up displays to educate the public about the issue.
15. Speak out against domestic abuse: Expressing your view that domestic violence is unacceptable has a powerful effect on changing the norms that support abuse.
16. Write letters to newspaper editors or send commentaries to TV and radio to help raise awareness about domestic violence.
17. Vote for public leaders who take a strong stand against domestic abuse.
18. Call 911 if you see or hear a crime of domestic abuse in progress. Write down license plate numbers, locations, and any other information that may be helpful to law enforcement.
19. Volunteer with a domestic violence service. Organizations need help with office activities, fund raising events, technical and professional services and assistance to clients.
20. Donate used clothing and household goods to a program that gives these vital items to families seeking independence from an abuser.
21. Participate in neighborhood crime watch programs.

Hang information flyers and/or awareness flyers in public restrooms, or anywhere else you think would they would be noticed. Now keep in mind that you don't have to stop doing some of this stuff after October!  By all means...continue your efforts throughout the year.

The more the merrier!

So in stating this, I implore all of you out there to stand up and do something for domestic violence victims not only in October, but throughout the year. Turn these victims into proud SURVIVORS!!! Give them some hope and some help. To borrow a phrase used quite often, give them a hand-up not a hand-out.

All of these are really general and will take some research, time and effort on your part.  But, the way I look at it is this...the time I take to do even one of these activities just may save someone's life.....so are a few minutes of your life worth the life of another?

Why Purple??

Each year for October I dye my hair purple.  I am always asked why purple, and my answer always is:  because it is the awareness color for domestic violence and this is domestic violence awareness month.

Last year I had one person ask me, "Why is purple the awareness color for domestic violence".  I had no complete or even half way answer for that, other than it just is.

So this year I decided to find out so that if someone asks me again, I can tell them.

I could not find a definite answer to this.  However, there were bits and pieces of the same story that I did keep running into so that is what I decided to piece together.  This may not be the absolute real reason the color purple was chosen, but it is the most accepted story. 

Lisa Bianco was a woman from the Midwest in the 1980s who left her abusive relationship. She then began working in battered women’s program in her community. Although her batterer had been sent to jail, he obtained a temporary furlough.

During this release, he crossed state lines, went to her home and killed her in the street in front of her neighbors.

After her murder, her friends and family wanted to remember the life and work of this woman and chose to wear her favorite color in her honor - the color purple.

copied from:  http://www.safeplace.org/site/PageServer?pagename=DVAM

Many states have recognized the purple ribbons in proclamations which memorialize National DV Awareness Month as October.

Many think that the purple ribbons are to show support for the survivors and advocates and that is partly correct.  The purple ribbons also are meant to bring the message that there is no place for domestic violence in schools, homes, communities or workplaces.

The color purple represents courage, survival, honor and dedication to ending domestic violence.

So where are you going to put your purple?

Domestic Violence Awareness Month and it's history

With Domestic Violence Awareness Month just around the corner I thought maybe some would like to know how this month came about.  Many often say that everything has a month and well DV gets October....there is a little more to it than that.

Yes, we should all be thinking of Awareness and Advocacy throughout the year; however this is the one month of the year that everyone can also come together to remember those that have been touched by domestic violence in one way or another.

The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) held the first ever Day of Unity in October 1981.  I do not know, nor can I find why they picked one day in the month of October, but this day is what started it all.  The Day of Unity was intended to represent the unity of advocates working for victims of domestic violence across the United States. 

The Day of Unity eventually became a week-long recognition of:

advocates who were committed to the prevention of domestic violence,

remembrance of the women and children killed because of domestic violence, and

the recognition and celebration of those who survived domestic violence.

The first Domestic Violence Awareness Month was October 1987.  The goal was to coordinate efforts nationwide to educate communities about domestic violence, the effects on community and the resources available to help survivors. That first national toll-free hotline began that same year.

In 1989 the first Domestic Violence Awareness Month Commemorative Legislation was passed by the United States Congress.  Since Domestic Violence Awareness Month’s enactment, State Legislatures across the nation have done the same as well.

Domestic Violence Awareness Month is also a time to encourage the public to take active steps to address domestic violence. The hope is that a month of intensified awareness efforts combined with the broad spectrum of anti-domestic violence work throughout the year will bring us closer to ending domestic violence.

So what are you going to do this year?